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Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

I went by the local Apple Store yesterday, looking for Apple Zombies, the unthinking minions who follow the Cult of Cupertino. I had to wonder, had the RDF abated from MacWorld, or are the Mac faithful whipping out theglowing_zombies.jpg wallets to buy the latest incarnation of Apple TV, the TiVo that doesn’t TiVo? Are they camping out, waiting to throw $2000 down for the Nike MacBook Air? Nope. ‘Got nuthin’. Bupkiss.

Well, then, how ’bout real Zombies?

Finally, your kids can put away that set of olive green army men. Forget Barbie. A zombie playset… that’s what they need! For just about $13 (of course) at thinkgeek.com your kids will spend hours assembling hordes of brain-sucking, non-thinking, monsters walking the Earth to prey on the less fortunate. And, they glow in the dark! That one with the tie and briefcase? ‘Looks Republican to me.

Too bad the Christmas Season is over. But, hey, you have just 340 days left to shop until Christmas 2008!

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It’s getting late Christmas Eve here in Memphis. As is the custom here in the South, practically every store has closed. Parents like me are second-guessing, wondering if we have remembered everybody, and if we have enough to drop under the tree. Yes, even the Zombies have gone home, the indoctrination of the fresh-brained has ended, and the doors of my local Apple Store have closed.
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At this time, every year, I am reminded of a similar time, years ago, and it still makes me smile. It was early in the 80s, perhaps 1983, when my brother, Chris, and I were living in Hattiesburg, MS. It was about six or seven, and the mall had closed. Shoppers’ panic has set upon the final few stragglers across the small city.

The last remaining store open was a drug store, a K&B. It was a tacky place, where everything had a particular shade of purple, suitable only for regal robes, and the occasional Volkswagen bus. The store was abuzz with people searching for something — anything — to give to mothers-in-law, ministers, and next-door neighbors bearing fruitcakes. Time was ticking…

My brother, an impish sort, had a kernel of an idea. At this point in time, he opined, people will buy anything to have a gift, and get out of the store. So, he chose the most tacky item possible. It was a knick-knack shelf made of wood, just slightly stiffer than construction paper, and decorated in a way that is still seared in my brain. He laid the prize out, mid-aisle, for all to see. We left that part of the store, not knowing how long the issue would take, but knowing our item would soon be swept up. Returning a few minutes later, the shelf was gone, doubtless on its way to some double-wide trailer or college dorm.

One wonders who bought it, thinking, “yes… this will do!” And, even more fun, what was it like the following day when someone had to feign excitement at receiving this horrid gift. Hmmm…

Desperate times require desperate measures.

Happy Holidays, y’all!

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There are some things that I simply can’t explain. This is seemingly one of them.

I was walking through a Germantown, TN grocery store today — a big store, part of a very large multi-state supermarket chain, owned by a company in St. Louis. I stumbled across this in a tented display of Christmas cookies, Holiday cakes and the like. What is this?! A poor attempt at the Grinch, or something more sinister?

It should be noted that this store is just across the street from the local Apple Store. A coincidence, or is it something more? Could some “zombiness” have bled over? And with a giant 13 scrawled across “its” chest? I just don’t know.

Brains. A lovely holiday side dish.

All rights reserved on the above photograph. For permission to use, contact peterbaskind@gmail.com.

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Apple Zombies is usually a blog about what interests me and Scott Porch. That usually means snipets of digital entertainment news, Apple minutiae, or triflings about what we call “Apple Zombies,” those people who mindlessly follow the Pied Piper of Cupertino, and believe even the most minor advance in Apple hardware is groundbreaking stuff, worthy of accolades that would make Al Gore blush. Brains…

But, the most festive time of the year is upon us. So, I thought it would be appropriate for Apple Zombies to take a pause, and wish all those visiting our site, “Happy Holidays!”

That being said, both Scott and I are attorneys, and in light of the current litigious environment, we should mention the following:

This statement of good wishes (“Greeting”) from me (“Sender”) is intended to be generic in nature. “Holiday” is intentionally left an undefined term. This holiday may include, but not be limited to, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Day, Saturnalia, or even Elvis’ Birthday (“Elvis” is a registered trademark of Elvis Presley Enterprises, Memphis, TN). Further, the recipient of this greeting (“Receiver”), may insert his or her own holiday into this Greeting, either explicitly or implicitly, or no holiday at all, if he or she chooses. If Receiver celebrates no holidays during the intended period of Greeting, assumed to be roughly mid-December, 2007 through the first week in January, 2008 (“Greeting Period”), he or she may consider Greeting to be merely general, and a simple wish of good feelings and joy, suitable for any time of year, or no time at all.

Greeting should in no way be construed to guarantee or warrant happiness or other good feelings during Greeting Period, or warrant or guarantee an acceptable holiday. By accepting Greeting, Receiver expressly agrees that he or she assumes the risk for his or her own holiday. Receiver will hold Sender harmless should Receiver’s expectations for Greeting Period and wishes contained herein not coincide.

Greeting is at all times subject to withdrawal by Sender, and it may be canceled or modified at any time, without notice to Receiver. In the event of cancellation, Receiver shall receive no credit or proration for any time left in Greeting Period. Greeting is not intended to be transferable, and has no cash value. Under no circumstances may Receiver in any way alter Greeting, or publish Greeting directly or indirectly without express written permission of Sender. Permission may be withheld for any reason within the sole discretion of Sender, with no rule of reasonableness.

Should Receiver not accept the terms of Greeting listed above, no rights or benefits related to Greeting will accrue.

Should a dispute arise from Greeting, Receiver agrees that jurisdiction and venue will be in the courts of Shelby County, Tennessee. Sender and Receiver agree that personal jurisdiction will lie in those courts, regardless of the location of either party. Greeting will be construed under the laws of the State of Tennessee, without regard to Choice of Law or Renvoy.*

*The above disclaimer is Copyright 2007 by Apple Zombies, Peter Baskind, and Scott Porch. All rights are reserved, and may only be used with explicit permission. For licensing information, contact the author at peterbaskind@gmail.com.

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